One of the things I like about the fetish world is when severity and seriousness verges on artfulness and ultimately gives way to what can only be called batshit insanity. English/German magazine Marquis (formerly «O») is a glossy production in every way imaginable, from the paper stock to the layout to the latex and leather fashions it showcases. In the Id Unleashed universe of fetish publications, there’s a mish-mash of cultural references, such as the rubber-clad Louise Brooks lookalike above, created by artist Marcus Gray. Gray is described in the pages of Marquis as a retro-futurist–thanks, I’ll take THIS flavor of retro-futurism over the busted up clock parts favored by the current Steampunk trend.
I’ll state for the record that I didn’t have very high hopes for Massimo Dallamano’s Italo-thriller “What Have You Done to Solange?” The girls’ school setting was a turn-off–I didn’t enjoy being a teenager, and I try to minimize the amount of Entertainment Hours I spend with pretend teenagers. In a similar vein, while Dallamano’s “Dorian Gray” is a marvel of groovy excess, “Solange”‘s setting didn’t seem to have much to offer in the way of crazy fashions and jet-setting locales. Add to this the fact that “Solange” is frequently mentioned as a giallo for those who don’t ordinarily enjoy Eurotrash films, and let’s face it–on a “Relevancy to My Interests” scale from one to ten, this ranks about a five.
Have you ever wondered just how dull a movie about a woman who experiences past-life flashbacks about her career as a Satan-fucking, mariticidal bar wench could be? Well, wonder no more, because “The Demon Lover,” recently released on DVD under the title “Lucifera: Demonlover,” is here to provide you with eighty of the most frontal-cortex-numbingly boring minutes you’ll spend watching a movie about demonic possession.
Well. My weekend was extraordinarily nerdy. How was yours?
This may shock you, but I’m given to flights of melacholic hyperbole. I like to think of it as part of that nebulous whole that makes up My Charm. One of the genius things about having this kind of temperament combined with what is cruelly known as The Natural Aging Process is that I start thinking about the inevitability of my physiological deterioration.
- Alan’s Aunt Agatha is an attenuated, black-clad figure whose wheelchair confinement doesn’t hamper her spying ways
- Flashbacks of Evelyn’s infidelity feature both a diaphanous gown and slow-motion, nude running
- Grave-robbing figures prominently in the plot
- A character gets gruesomely eaten by foxes in an extended and unexpected gore sequence. SIDEBAR: How friggin’ cute are foxes? F’reals–this was almost as good as the similarly adorable Death By Cats in “Night of a 1,000 Cats.”
- There’s a hilariously-awkward funeral-themed striptease that had me giggling while simultaneously hoping for a glimpse of bush–that’s no mean feat, friends
- A key encounter takes place at a groovy hippie party-slash-orgy with live music by one of the cringe-worthiest psychedelic bands I’ve heard. A Top Forty future was never in the cards for Pandora’s Box, I’m afraid.
- Gothic elements are pervasive throughout the movie, from Alan’s ancestral castle–which ranges from run-down to uber-groovy to torture-chamber-tastic to stately over the course of the film–to not one but two family tombs to the aforementioned seance scene
- Alan makes his unwitting hooker-victims wear the hottest thigh-high black leather boots in the world
- Alan’s bedroom is a fantasy of interior design that combines white plastic, Baroque murals, a bubble television and flokati rugs (to make no mention of the prerequisite J&B cameo)
- Gladys has an astonishing array of cleavage-bearing nightgowns (also: WIGS!)
- When Alan takes Gladys back to retarded-groovy Manderley–erm, the Cunningham Estate, they meet the newly-hired staff of maids. Which is to say, five identically-blonde-afro’ed maids in black-and-white livery. THAT, friends, is “showing class.”
Don’t think it doesn’t pain me that I’m not going to get a chance to attend the NYC premiere of “The Wild Hunt” in Manhattan this Sunday, April 11. The 15th Annual Gen Art Film Festival, which celebrates the work of emerging filmmakers, will be screening the Canadian action/thriller “The Wild Hunt,” which is set against the background of a medieval-themed LARP event. My interest was piqued after watching a trailer some number of weeks ago, and upon learning that this won the Audience Award at Slamdance, well… suffice to say that sealed the deal for me. If your calendar is aligned in a more fortuitous manner than my own, you can get tickets right here on the Gen Art Website. Check out the trailer below:
Next Friday, April 16th, it’s once again time for Kevin Maher‘s Kevin Geeks Out at 92YTribeca. After missing last month’s show, which by all accounts was an AMAZING presentation on sharks in cinema, due to an all-weekend D&D fest (I’ll have you know that my dwarf acrobat kicked a not-insignificant amount of ass, friends), there’s no way I’m missing out on the April All-Stars show. I mean, who am *I* to resist the allure of a presentation on an evening that will include such presentations as “Don Knotts: Reluctant Sex Object” and “Jesus versus Magneto?” This event DOES sell out, so be sure to grab your advance tickets on the 92YTribeca website ahead of time.
As a rule, I try to keep a positive frame of mind regarding the many events and opportunities that I’ve been able to take part in. I won’t lie and say it’s not hard to gnash my teeth just a little bit at some of the stuff I’ve missed out on, however.
Jess Franco’s 1962 film “The Sadistic Baron Von Klaus” is another one of those frustrating movies from the ultra-prolific director that has a whole heckuva lot of potential that never really crystallizes into the excellent film that could have been. This thriller in the gothic mold has a lot going for it, but overall, the film shares the aesthetic strength of Franco’s “The Awful Dr. Orloff” though it lacks that film’s compelling narrative and more aggressive pace.
“Caligula and Messalina” is one of those movies that makes me wonder if I need a special “Movies I Am Retarded For Liking” tag, because… goddammit, I enjoyed this super-sleazy Tinto-Brass-tailcoat-rider of a history-bender WAY more than I should have. Several years after crafting the uglier, stupider sister to Brass’ “Salon Kitty” in the form of “SS Girls,” trash auteur Bruno Mattei would craft an uglier, stupider sister to Brass’ “Caligula” in the form of “Caligula and Messalina.” Properly speaking, only *half* of the movie is about Caligula’s fictional relationship with notorious uber-whore Messalina–the rest charts the ambitious dame’s marriage to Claudius, who inherited Rome’s throne after Caligula’s assassination. A better name for the movie might be “Special Ed ‘I, Claudius,'” but a better BETTER name (if a significantly less pithy one) would be “Messalina versus Agrippina,” because the central conflict in the story surrounds the political machinations of these two women.