The ad mats in the July 1981 issue of MEN Magazine create an anthropological wonderland, capitalizing on the insecurities of its turgid reader pool by offering a potent cocktail of cheap porn, dubious job opportunities, flashy jewelry, and hypnotism. LOTS of hypnotism–at least three full page ads, on my initial flip-through. I find the montage above to be particularly revealing–when you’re done lining your pockets from your lucrative fingerprinting job (CAREER OF THE FUTURE), go home and make some SEX CALLS. Barring that, Drafting and a Free Photo Book can be acquired.
Gein & the Graverobbers – “Camp Blood”:
Pichard began his career in 1946 with illustrations in mainstream publications, eventually moving into comic strips and then producing his first erotic work, “Blanche Epiphanie,” in 1967, beginning what would be a 40-year career in naughty books. Late in his life, he taught at l’Ecole des Arts Appliques in Paris (where he had been a student). Pichard died in 2003, leaving the world with a tremendous legacy of erotic art.
If Nate Yapp of Classic-Horror.com wasn’t such a goddamn charming sonofabitch, I, much like Admiral Ackbar, would have been able to identify a trap when I saw one. I guess it’s a good thing for you folks that my life continues to be Gullible’s Travels, because I was lured into an exploration of the frequently-analyzed and thoroughly-awesome Mexican horror film “Alucarda.” Leave it to the glossy allure of New Media to lull me into a sense of geeky hyp-mo-tism!
- Boris Karloff’s awesome haircut
- Panty-moistening art deco architecture
- Incestuous necrophilia
- Subnormal is the NEW normal
- Blood-drenched lesbonic hottness
- Why “Alucarda” is not a nunsploitation film
- Psychic battles with gypsies
- OUTFITS. OK, f’reals–did the same costume designer who created the Juggalo-esque serial killer ALSO create THE MANAGER’s costumes? Cos he’s WAY better dressed. I’m going to assume (whether it’s true or not) that this is a subtle commentary on goffick fashion, or perhaps the eternal struggle between the Big Pants Brigade and the Vampyyyyres.
- EYEBROW ARCHING. We’ve discussed the importance of a good eyebrow-arch to a proper screen villain, and THE MANAGER knows how to arch an eyebrow with the best of them, amping up his sinister appeal. Studies have shown that, mathematically speaking, forty percent of Vincent Price’s appeal rested in his fierce eyebrow-arching abilities.
- GEEKY COLLECTING TAKEN TO ELEVEN. THE MANAGER has his own private collection of ghoulish relics, including weapons used in crimes, occult ephemera and poisons. Classier still, these items are showcased in old-school glass-fronted cabinets. I’m actually turning a most unbecoming shade of green due to envy right now.
Roland Cat, “La Comtesse Bathory dansant sur le corps de ses victimes”
Now that I’ve had a moment to collect my thoughts and experience a sense of relief tempered with disappointment that this ad was not published in eye-searing color, I’ll discuss my favorite elements.
My approach to movie-watching–in case you hadn’t noticed–is fairly haphazard. I have a rough list of Stuff That’s Relevant to the Tenebrous Interests, and when a particular film seems to fit that bill, I snap it up for future watching. It’s a damn good thing that I have reliable friends who’ve got my best interests in mind who tend to say things like: “Hey doofus–I know you’ve been digging these Paul Naschy flicks, so why don’t you go ahead and check out his first film which also happened to be a staple of such monster kid klassic teevee shows as Chiller Theatre?” If this incredi-pal happens to be the Abominable Dr. Gregg, he goes ahead and ships me a DVD of “Frankenstein’s Bloody Terror” in order to educate and illuminate me (that Abominable Dr. Gregg is some kind of all right, isn’t he?).
- They appear to sing about monsters and Satan (perhaps adding significantly more than a soupcon of said, but I’m giving a free pass).
- They hang out with topless chicks.
- Perhaps most importantly, they are dressed as monsters. Not “characters that are kinda similar to monsters but a mime version of same,” REAL FUCKING MONSTERS.
It’s like someone finally realized that Gene Simmons’ appearance kicked the most ass out of the entire lineup of KISS and said “golly, wouldn’t THIS be vastly improved if we were ALL the Demon?” And then some other guy was like “yeah I want to be a werewolf” and then another guy was like “OH SNAP I get to be a werewolf” and thus something beautiful and pure was born.