So–seriously, guys–why is all manner of internet Haterade directed at Rob Zombie? I’ve been pondering that question for some time and yesterday’s post on Electronic Cerebrectomy which, in turn, linked over to Hunter Stephenson’s two-part /Film interview with Mr. Zombie (Part One and Part Two, respectively, for the lazyvolk), contained some really similar thoughts to mine on the topic. All that hott compound-complex sentence action is circling around a single statement:
I have a rather… shall we say… tempestuous relationship with gialli. As a Naked Lady Delivery Device, the genre proves itself to be a mixed bag, from “Strip Nude for Your Killer,” in which everyone does, to “Naked You Die,” in which no one does. The giallo is on equally uncertain ground as a Gruesome Murder Delivery Device, ranging from Argento’s operatic over-the-top blood spatter in such films as “Tenebre” to the almost self-conscious, postmodern, and gore-free hat-pin employed in “Murder Rock.” I have a difficult time saying I’m a fan of the subgenre–while I really enjoy some entries, it fails to be love with others. I do know that in order for me to properly enjoy any giallo, I have to remove certain words from my vocabulary, such as “coherent,” “gratuitous,” and “logical,” since the giallo by its very nature isn’t, is and isn’t, in precisely that order.
For those of you who are deftly avoiding the rays of the sun this holiday weekend as much as I am, here’s the thrilling conclusion to “Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter” from “Hammer’s Halls of Horror” issue 20. As with last time, click the image to go to its Flickr page, then click ALL SIZES to see the expanded version. Enjoy!
I own the fact that I would make a shitty vampire. While I’ve got a slick mother-effin’ hairdo and a propensity for wearing too much makeup, I laugh too much, I’m kinda awkward, and I don’t have a sexy accent, so the scales tip against vampirism for me. On the other hand, I’d like to think I’d make a really kickass vampire hunter. I’ve got a low tolerance for weepy Anne Rice melodrama and an array of fabulous hats that make me an ideal candidate for that role.
As you’ve probably gathered by now, I don’t really Cross The Streams by writing much about my personal life (unless it’s particularly ridiculous and/or involves the meeting of B-movie celebrities from the 1970s). Hopefully you guys will forgive me for indulging in a little bit of world-mixing today–some life events are truly game changers, and one such event happened over the weekend.
- Watch “Road House.” This was a go-to feel-good flick for Tenebrous Mom, and as such I’ve probably seen it about ten times. Not that I mind. Sometimes you need a little “I’m gonna rip your throat out” Swayze action. Just remember–be nice until it’s time to not be nice. Pls to note that my folks went to see “Road House” *in the movie theatre*, before it became a latter-day camp classic.
- Get a celebrity autograph for your mom (or wife, if you don’t have handy access to a mom–or barring that, husband/boyfriend–I’m not picky). I made a point of getting tough-guy actors’ autographs reading “To the best mom ever” or somesuch similar sentiment when I went to conventions. Except for when I met Fred Williamson–I couldn’t bear to potentially hurt his ego with the whole “my mom is a HUGE fan of yours” thing, so I just pretended *my* name was *her* name and had it made out to Tenebrous Mom that way. Fred Williamson really dug my cleavage, though, and as a result, my mom had one very special autograph that read “To [Her Name]–WOW!!! Love, Fred ‘The Hammer.'” Her colleagues were duly impressed, naturally.
- Four words: “Mystery Science Theater 3000.” My folks and I spent many an hour bonding while watching this show, and to this day, Peplum films are known as “Shiny Little Heinie Flicks” in deference to the show’s riffing during “Hercules vs. the Moon Men.” I know that this show is kinda controversial in the cult film world, but if you can’t have a laugh at the stuff you love, life is going to get long and kinda terrible.
Just so’s you know, interpals–I’m going through some tough family stuff right now and as you can probably tell from the lack of updates, I need a bit of a break from my Imperial Duties.
So. You might’ve heard of a little film called “The Room.” You might even know that it’s officially “The Room” Week right now (you should play along–it’s GREAT). “The Room” been discussed on the “Tim and Eric Awesome Show” and even aired in its entirety on April 1st of this year on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim. It’s a cult film phenomenon! When Bwana Voodoo of Gorillanaut.com and The Naked Jungle suggested that this might be a film worth my 100 minutes, I was curious. When Mr. Canacorn of Awesomeness for Awesome’s Sake started singing the praises of “The Room,” I was downright angry at myself for not having watched this movie.
Happy Cinco de Mayo, interpals! Enjoy “El Baron del Terror” nee “The Brainiac,” a fave Mexihorror flick of mine: